Waiting for Cupid

I wish i could fall in love, but unfortunately love eludes me so much , i dont know y. i wish i had someone to think about always. i wiwsh i had someone to share my thoughts with. i wish i had some one to go out with... i wish someone walked into my life and stayed with me.

My falls

These wishes often lead me to falling in to one groove or the other very frequently. its almost like a pattern it keeps repeating itself.first i would fall for some charecter of the grl, she wld mostly be my colleague whom i happen to see frequently , i would eye her so much that if my eyes had a piercing power my sight would have borne holes allover her. i would not know wat to talk to her so i would jus keep looking at her whenevr i get a chance, i wld believe she wld understand my feelings without words.....

Then i wld get the chance to take her mobile num, then i wld spk to her , she wld ask me many qsns jus out of curiosity but i wld mistake it to be becos of her interest in me... i wld wantto spend all the money at my disposal to charge my mobile so that i can keep speaking to her endlessly..... Then i wld sleep with my mobil ph besides me hoping to get her call and to be carefull not to miss her call jus in case she called. i wld have the mobile always in my hand. i wld send msg and wait endlessly for her replies, and ofcourse wld never get any. if atall i happened to be away frm my mobil for sometime , the fst thing i do wen i come back to it wld be to look if there has been any thing frm her. And whenever some msg or call comes i wld come to the phone hoping that its something frm her, but it wld mostly be a msg or call frm my brother Anand or Ramraj,.. I wld know i was doing something wrong but wld not have the brains to stop doing it. i wld call her , only to be ignored and feel heart broken and wld want to collapse and vanish. i wld want throw mobile away.

I wld curse myself for being such a psycho . i wld keep thinking abt her always. if she was absent i wld miss her so much that i wld keepin looking around expecting her to come about , understanding that i was expecting her.../... and wld find it difficult to spend the time at office. As if i did not have anything else to do at all. my mind wld not go into my usual passions like reading or learning. i wld remain aloof. i wld not get along well with my frnds, i wld not want to be with them , i wld always want to be with her only.

I wld take immense pleasure in reading her fav book, visiting her fav place, learning her language,....

And somewhere in the middle of all this her b'day wld come. I lwd become very excited and wld want to give her a gr8 gft. I wld have to overcome a lots of shyness to give it to her. evne this aspect of the pattern satys true every time.

And after a hell of a time of such a depression i wld finally find out that she already has a boy frnd and wld have to say gd bye to her never to see her again and praying to God not to lead me into such a groove again.